The New "I Do" - Softcover

Marriage as we know it is dying.

Don't just take our word for it--look at what's happening around you: More than ever before, people are living together without tying the knot, more men and women are delaying marriage or opting out altogether, more couples are having babies outside of marriage, and about 30 to 50 percent of all marriages still end in divorce. Today, "it is possible to live, love, form a family without sex, without children, without a shared home, without a partner, without a working husband, without a heterosexual orientation, or without a 'biological' sexual body," notes sociologist Elisabetta Ruspini.

Perhaps this is an indication that the institution as we've practiced it actually needs to die.

That may be an odd statement in a book about marriage, especially a book that's for marriage. Yes, we are for marriage. But it's clear that couples are already creating romantic partnerships that resist the one-size-fits-all model of marriage that's been presented to them. Rather than continue to encourage people to cram themselves into an old model that isn't working for many, we want to acknowledge what's already happening and encourage you to think about new ways to marry.

Yes, we have the audacity to ask you to throw out whatever image of marriage you have circling around in your mind and start from scratch. Forget you even have a concept of what marriage looks like, especially if it's been tainted by rom-coms, where the boy always gets the girl even though they have issues; TV shows like The Bachelorette, which promote the idea that true love (and a one-carat rock) can really happen in just six weeks; magazines pressuring that you answer "Why Won't He Commit?" or instructing you how to "Get Your Man to Say, 'I Do'"; and "experts" advising you on the "Five Sure- Fire Signs You've Found The One."

While you're at it, please shred the marital messages you got from observing your parents' marriage, too, or your BFF's.

Instead, we are challenging you to imagine that, if you were responsible for building a new model of marriage, what would it look like? What would you do differently? What would you throw out altogether? What would you keep? What kind of marriage do you want?

Then we're going to help you get it.

Susan Pease Gadoua is the author of the San Francisco Chronicle bestseller Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go, as well as Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce and The Top Ten Misguided Reasons to Stay in a Bad Marriage. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, she is a licensed therapist with an expertise in marriage and divorce. She earned her BA in psychology from Drew University and her master’s in social work from NYU and San Francisco State University.

Gadoua has appeared on television and radio programs, including The CBS Early Show, and in print publications such as The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The Washington Post, Psychology Today, and Divorce Magazine. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post's "Divorce" page and PsychologyToday.com

In addition to providing marriage and divorce counseling to clients throughout the world, Gadoua trains therapists on how to help clients through divorce using a program she developed called the Phoenix Method for Divorce Recovery™. Passionate about her work, she’s a dynamic presenter and is available for consultations, public speaking, or trainings. To learn more, visit changingmarriage.com.

Vicki Larson is a longtime journalist, freelancer, columnist, and blogger. She works as the lifestyles editor and writer at a San Francisco Bay Area newspaper, and her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, Mommy Tracked, Modern Mom, Divorce 360, and the anthologies Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in Our 40s and Nothing But The Truth: Women on Life's Transitions. She has been a guest on radio shows, including Minnesota Public Radio’s The Daily Circuit,” and is the proud mother of two extraordinary young men.