Adult Stuff: Things You Need to Know to Win at Real Life (Funny Graduation Gift for Him or Her) - Softcover

Introduction

Congratulations on buying this book! If you're reading this, you're most likely a fantastic twentysomething who still has that "new adult smell." Fresh from college graduation, you can't wait to move on to the next stage of your life: adulthood! But it's scary and exciting, and you're not quite sure what to expect. Thankfully, since you're a smart, attractive, professional go-getter, you went searching for answers on a bookshelf. And it just so happened that this book was on the shelf. What are the chances? It must be fate.

So now you have our little book, and you're hoping it will provide some concrete advice on how to become a fully functioning adult. Maybe this book will even tell you everything you've ever wanted to know about the mysterious "real world." Then with all your questions answered, you'll attack life with enlightened gusto. You'll make all the right choices, get the job of your dreams, find a wonderful significant other, and secure a limitless future. Everything great in your life will happen because you decided to read our amazing book.

We're sorry to break it to you, but...

This book is not that amazing.

But it'd be so great if it were, right? Don't get us wrong-it's pretty good. We spent a fair amount of time putting it together, and there is some solid stuff in here. But it's not going to solve all of your problems about becoming a fully functioning adult (sorry). Why? Because we're barely functioning adults ourselves. We're not qualified to advise you on how to negotiate a raise or how to cook a nutritious dinner in under twenty minutes. Honestly, we're not qualified in any field that could remotely help you with how to begin your adult life. Hang on! Don't put the book down yet. What we do have is the real-world experience of living through our twenties, and we have the scars to prove it.

We were once like you: ready to take on the world, convinced that with just a little moxie and luck, everything was going to work out exactly the way we thought it would. Then we entered the real world and it slapped us around, took a cigarette break, and slapped us around some more.

Only in hindsight did we realize our biggest problem. We were expecting everything to work out perfectly all the time. We thought we were entitled to a complication-free decade of frivolity because that's what TV and movies led us to believe. Oh, what fools we were. Had we approached our twenties with realistic expectations, we could have saved ourselves undue disappointment and enjoyed the ride so much more.

So yeah, this might not be the greatest book ever written, but some of our advice is halfway decent. In baseball terms, this book is a double. It's not a grand slam, but it's also not an out. It's like most things: somewhere in between. And like most things, with the right perspective, this modest success could make you feel satisfied. And really, that's how you win at life.

We're going to reset your expectations about adulthood back to reality. Like older brothers who already lived through what you're experiencing, we're going to dish out some tough love so you don't make the same mistakes we did. And just like actual older brothers, we may make you laugh or hurt a little. We'll try to have equal parts "tough" and "love," so be cool and don't tell Mom.

Oh, and we're not going to tell you to "lean in" or that "Anything is possible in your twenties with these simple steps!" Come on. Not everything in life is possible. Not everything in life will be perfect. But if you approach it the right way, you may discover that an imperfect life is better than a perfect life, because that means you're actually living one.