U Chic: The College Girl's Guide to Everything - Softcover

Excerpt from Chapter One: Getting Started

Put an End to Homesickness!
Allison Davis, Barnard College

I fear change—and college is a big change. So it was no surprise that I spent the majority of my summer before college freaking out about the thought of being in a new place without my friends, without my boyfriend, without my family. As if preparing for a coming storm, I went around buying everything that I could think of to start a "home" emergency kit—a stash of items that would remind me of home when I was stuck in a tiny dorm room. Why wouldn't I? In my mind, the dorm was that weird place that conjured up images of girls-gone-wild meets summer camp. I even went so far as to ask my mother to get custom-made bedding inspired by my bedding at home. Sadly, she declined, so to cope I instead bought dorm accessories with the same purple and gold color scheme as my childhood bedroom.

Well, despite all of my numerous breakdowns in the Target store, my first week of college was fine. I think I even had fun during first week's orientation! The wonderful thing about orientation is that they keep you busy with so many activities that you forget to be homesick. And most of these activities are the special kind of lame that have you instantly bonding with members of your orientation group just to survive. Voila! Instant friendships.

After the first week
But the real challenge during your transition to college is after orientation—your first unstructured weekend. I almost couldn't handle it. Who was I supposed to hang out with? These people weren't really my friends; I'd known them for only five days! And communal bathrooms? I was so over it after the first time some random guy caught me shaving my legs in the sink.

I just wanted to go home and see my best friend, watch a movie with my boyfriend, and pee in the privacy of my own bathroom. Between you and me, I almost did. I was about 5 minutes away from booking a train ticket home for the first weekend when I gave myself a pause. I realized that if I went running for the comforts of suburbia every time things became uncomfortable, I'd spend my college experience in a friendless black hole with nothing but my books to keep me company. So, against my instincts to cut and run, I decided to stay. Looking back, that decision was the best one I have made over the course of my 4 years at school. In fact, I met some of the girls who would become my best friends at school that weekend.

Once I started making more friends and building a life by taking risks and going out with new people, the homesickness went away. If you're concerned that you may, too, experience a difficult transition, there are several things you can do to make the transition a little bit easier and get yourself out of the funk a little bit faster.

Try some preemptive pep talk
Just take a deep breath and accept it: you are probably going to get homesick. It may vary in degrees of awfulness, but at some point, you are going to miss the people and places that you encountered every day for the past 18 years. Don't suppress these feelings: it's completely natural and pretty common. If you go into college thinking you are never going to miss anyone or anything, you are setting yourself up for a fall and may be caught off guard, unable to deal with the unexpected sad feelings. By taking the time to accept the fact that you may get lonely or begin to miss home a time or two, you can prepare yourself rather than being surprised by these feelings of homesickness. It may be hard to deal with these emotions, but it isn't impossible. This preemptive pep talk goes a long way.

It's OK to bring things that remind you of home, but don't bring home
Sure, bring a few pictures of your friends and family, your favorite stuffed animal, and maybe even a special tchotchke. (The ceramic pony my dad gave me when I was 7 will always be on my desk regardless of what anyone says.) They are even good conversation starters. It makes complete sense that you want to surround yourself with familiar things, but there is a limit to how much. Filling up your new space with remnants of the past makes it really difficult to enjoy the present. (Plus your roommate may not appreciate all your trinkets from home.) It is probably not a good idea to bring all of your yearbooks from high school, your collection of sweatshirts from old boyfriends, or that sweater you haven't worn since you were 7 but you swear you can still smell your first grade teacher's perfume on it.

You're in college to make new memories and develop into a well-rounded person. How to do this? Make sure your 8 x 10-foot cell of a dorm room has space for your new life. It will fill up before you know it.

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U Chic Tip! Relying on Old and New Friends
Melanie Harris, Virginia Tech

Let's say that you're having a difficult time and need to chat with your old friends for some support. Go for it. Don't hesitate to call your besties from high school, but do so only when you need to or have something particularly great to share—definitely not every day. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to work on building a new life, and you can't move on when you're too much in touch with your old pals. And really, it's not fair to be calling or texting them all the time.

As an alternative to calling old friends all the time, reach out to your new friends. The National Mental Health Association encourages students to seek support from a roommate or a friend from class. Friendships can help make a strange place feel more friendly and comfortable. Sharing your emotions reduces isolation and helps you realize that you are not alone. This way, you're working on making a new life for yourself and moving on in a healthy way. Before you know it, these new bonds and connections will change your whole outlook on the college experience for the better, and your old friends might happily end up wondering why you're not calling as often as you used to.